I just came back from a quick trip to Pepper Pike, Ohio—a suburb of Cleveland where I grew up—to attend a book club/party of old friends of mine and my mom’s, including a bunch of mother/daughter duos. (Thank you, Peggy!) Such thoughtful readers and great questions. I felt honored to be feted by this group of women. And I got to catch up with my oldest friend, Denise, who used to come over to our house every day before school and hang out in our kitchen before we all went out to wait for the bus.

Of course the baby, my ever-present companion, came with me to Ohio. Accompanying me to various book events has made her an expert traveler.

On this trip I was once again reminded of how lucky I am to be able to write books. I’m so grateful for all of the support over the last few months. Thank you to everyone who has bought the book, read the blog, come to readings, and/or followed my incompetent tweets. My family and I are heading to Boston soon for eight weeks for my daughter to begin some treatment for her food allergies. Keep your fingers crossed. We’ll also be on Cape Cod for a stretch where I plan to eat my weight in lobster and fried cod.

If by chance you’re in Minnesota, I’m reading at the Valley Bookseller in Stillwater this Saturday, June 18^th, at 2:00 pm. I don’t know anyone in Stillwater so I may be reading to my three-year-old. Please come and spare her.

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The problem is I have no idea how to write a novel. Yes, I have written three, but it feels like that doesn’t help. I wonder if other writers feel this way. Is it a lack of confidence? Fear that I just got lucky before? Fear that I have nothing left to say? Or does each new novel force you to figure out its form anew?

In the beginning novel-writing workshop I taught last summer, I told my students they needed to answer three questions before they began:

1) What does your main character want?

This will be the motivation that drives him/her throughout the novel. This is the light in the distance your character is galloping toward. The answer doesn’t need to be complicated.  Some examples: love, safety, closure, meaning, a home, freedom. And then conflict comes in when there are obstacles to that want. Example: Jennifer is a surrogate mother who changes her mind. What she wants: to keep the baby. Obstacle: the couple that has hired her wants the baby too.

2) Where does your novel begin?

You want your novel to begin right about the time a pivotal change will occur/has occurred.  One way to think about this is to imagine the moment a boulder has begun to roll down a hill. Something has been set in motion. Or why is this day different from the ones before it?  Some examples: an event, like a wedding or funeral, the discovery of a dead body, a man has found his wife is cheating, a woman has learned she’s pregnant, a son is going home for the holidays, it’s the first time a character will do X.

3) What is the world of your novel?

Whether your novel is set in 2010 or 1610, you need to place us immediately in the world that you are creating—let us know where the story is taking place and what kind of guide we’re going to have.  This means you have to choose the specific setting, the point of view from which you are writing, and the tone of voice.

For the novel I’ve been thinking about I don’t have a clear answer to number one yet, but I think I know the answer to number two. Number three is my favorite—this is what’s going to help me face the blank page. I loved recreating New York in 1900 for Mothers and Daughters, and for this next novel, there will be period elements as well.

There are a zillion ways to write a novel, of course, but sometimes it’s helpful to have guidelines to give you direction. But there’s always a chance I’m going to wing it.

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• Took a shower and washed my hair. (Yes, this makes the list.)
• Walked for coffee with the baby before the other two woke up. Thank you, Dunn Brothers, for being open so early on a Sunday.
• Hosted brunch for our neighbor friends and their three kids. Lots of bacon. And donuts.
• Filled out preschool registration forms.
• Uprooted dandelions from the front yard. Sisyphean yet satisfying. (Or might Camus say Sisyphean and satisfying?)
• Read some of the New Yorker. Who knew Paula Fox was Courtney Love’s grandmother? Desperate Characters is so good.
• Took three-year-old to neighbor’s birthday party, which was a minefield of allergens, so we left after five minutes.
• Held, bounced, tickled, wore, played with, fed, and changed baby who didn’t sleep all day and was bonkers.
• Introduced three-year-old to a fish named Nemo for a much-needed parental break.
• Had an early family dinner on the roof at Uptown Cafeteria, a place in our neighborhood that manages to be both hip and family friendly. (In most places this would be an oxymoron, but not in the Midwest.) Bright sunshine. Big Hippie Salads. Balloon and French fries for three-year-old.
• Put away winter coats.
• Watched the first episode of the last season of Friday Night Lights, the first TV I’ve watched in six months. It was great to be back in Dillon, except that Riggins is still in jail.
• In bed by ten thirty.
• Sweet.

And thank you to Eileen Williams for the wonderful interview on Blog Talk Radio/Feisty Side of Fifty!

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The baby was in good company. The reading was a real family affair with other kids and babies in attendance. What a wonderful and engaged audience. I always love the Q & A at readings, and this one was particularly enjoyable since many in attendance had already read the book. A huge thank you to my friends who came out—it felt more like a reunion than a reading.

I also got to meet my Twitter friend Jen in person, which was so fun. She has been incredibly supportive of me and the book. Anyone who drives two hours to a reading is a friend indeed.

As for Madison, it made me a little sad we don’t live there anymore. Good friends, good town.  I was proud of Madison in the state showdown a couple months ago, even if the governor prevailed. (For an insightful look at what Governor Walker has done to Wisconsin click here to read Maggie Ginsberg-Schutz’s piece in Madison Magazine.) And even though we’ve lived in Minneapolis since September, Madison still comes first to mind as home. And not only because we haven’t been able to sell our house there.

The four-plus-hour drive each way with an unhappy baby in the back seat was not so great, but we survived. And on the whole she’s a pretty good traveling companion. At least she doesn’t mind my singing.

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In the last couple weeks, my easy baby has become not so easy. She now cries the second someone else holds her, which means my plan of having her sit on a friendly lap while I read no longer works. So I wore her for half of the reading, before passing her off to my sister-in-law to walk her around. Luckily it was a very friendly crowd full of friends and family, including my husband’s 91-year-old grandmother. I don’t get nervous about reading anymore, thankfully, and I can actually enjoy myself.

My mom’s cousin was a surprise appearance—I hadn’t seen her in close to thirty years—and she brought with her all of this incredible family history she has put together. It turns out I’m descended from William Moody who came here from England in 1634.

The writer Christine Sneed was in attendance. Her story collection, Portraits of a Few of the People I’ve Made Cry, is wonderful. Read it.

And a big highlight of the night was meeting the women behind the blogs Julie Just Reads and Devourer of Books. Julie and Jen were so generous in their reviews of Mothers and Daughters, and it turns out they are just as lovely and warm in person. (I no longer have to imagine them as their Twitter avatars.)

So aside from having to get up at 4:00 am to catch a plane, and leaving my phone in Chicago, the event was a great success. Thank you to everyone who made the effort to get to Winnetka including all of the Darrows, Embrees, and Roberts, my dear friends, the ladies of the Barrington book club, the Book Stall book club, and my sister-in-law Jessica who helped me keep it all together and had a magic touch with the baby. With each stop on the tour, I feel so very lucky.

Up next: A report from Madison.

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Jane, after reading Rae’s novel, do you feel like you have a different sense of the complexity of the relationship between the two of you? Rae, did you think differently of your relationship with your mother after you had spent so much time with Iris, Sam, and Violet?

Jane: I have always thought my relationship with Rae was pretty straightforward. However, it occurred to me at one point while reading Mothers and Daughters that since Rae’s characters had complicated relationships with their mothers, that perhaps complexity had been part of our relationship, at least for her, and that I had been unaware of its presence. The self-reprimand soon followed that if indeed this was a factor, then I should have caught it and tapped into it.

Rae: My mom and I have had a remarkably un-fraught relationship, but I did think about her often while I was writing this book. She has lived so much life—she’s a beautiful and amazing eighty—and I think in pondering questions for the characters, it made me wonder what it would be like to see my mom as a young single woman or newly married or a first-time mother. This past Christmas she mentioned that she once had dated a professional hockey player named Moose, and I was reminded of how even though I have heard a lot of stories about her life, there is an endless supply of things I don’t know.

Do you think (as Iris mentions) that having children is a way to try and understand one’s own mother? Jane, did you learn a lot about your mother when you had children? Rae, did you?

Jane: Perhaps many might find this to be helpful, but personally I never sought to better understand my mother. I didn’t need to. She was an honest, loving, demonstrative being whom I loved and trusted.

Rae: Although for me it wasn’t a conscious thing, I feel like I have learned so much about my mom since becoming a mother. That intense, unfailing love mixed with worry that she exuded is something I know now on a gut level. My mom had breast cancer when her daughters were eight, five, and three, and I don’t think I fully understood what strength and courage this required until I became a mother and tried to imagine myself in the same position.

The existence of the orphan trains is such a fascinating, yet seemingly forgotten part of American history. Rae has said that you introduced her to the subject, Jane, which sparked her to write Mothers and Daughters. How did you hear about the orphan trains? What was your initial reaction to this piece of history?

Jane: I was waiting for Rae to arrive at the airport in Cleveland, and I struck up a conversation with the woman sitting next to me who was also waiting for her daughter. She mentioned that her daughter had done some research on the Orphan Train Movement of the early part of the twentieth century. I had never heard of the orphan trains and was fascinated and full of questions. I, of course, relayed all this to Rae in baggage claim.

Rae: And good thing she did! I didn’t know at the time that the orphan trains would be the basis for my next novel, but I knew instantly they had rich narrative possibilities and I needed to find out more.

As Rae was writing Mothers and Daughters, did she come to you for advice? If not, what kind of advice would you have given her in writing about a mother-daughter relationship? Rae, what advice was the most helpful to you in developing these complex characters?

Jane: Rae is an inspired, gifted writer who needed no advice about writing Mothers and Daughters. The only advice I’d have given her, had she asked, is the same advice I would have given her had she been writing about balloons: make the characters interesting and make it a good story. She seems to have done exactly this without anyone’s help.

Rae: Although I didn’t seek advice exactly, I did use details from my mom’s life in developing these characters. For instance, I remember my mom telling me how when she first got married, she would get all done up and have a cocktail ready for my dad when he came home from work. Iris is from the same generation as my mom, and she enacts a similar scene. And then in a larger sense, my mom has told me about the great agony she felt when her mother was dying in regards to intervention and resuscitation, and this was on my mind in the flashbacks of Iris and Sam.

Which character—Sam, Violet, or Iris—did each of you connect with the most? Why?

Jane: My younger self of fifty years ago strongly identifies with Sam in her relationship to her baby, in her procrastination and lack of focus in returning to her creative work, and in her guilt and subsequent self-chastisement over the aborted Down syndrome fetus. But it’s Iris who is closest to my own age and who has faced some of life’s tougher moments. She’s accepting and talks to herself in a down-to-earth way, without self-pity. Her self-admonishment to “buck up” is one I plan to adopt. It very much suits those of us who are facing our eighties.

Rae: Violet is very unlike I was as a child and, in that sense, she is the most fictional of the three characters. Iris definitely has some of me in her, though she is in such a different stage of life. So I have to say I connected most with Sam, since her character sprang from some of my experiences as a new mother, particularly the anxiety about where creative pursuits fit in after motherhood. From the outside, her life is similar to mine.

Iris mentions that the relationship between her and her daughter has grown closer now that Sam is an adult. Jane and Rae, how has your relationship changed from when Rae was younger versus now?

Jane: When a child has become a responsible adult, there is little responsibility for the mother to guide or instruct. Rae and I are friends and, as such, tolerant of each other’s differences and all the best that friendship infers. We are each committed to a helpful, thoughtful, appreciative, and always loving relationship toward each other. Rae was an appealing, charming, loving child. She remains so to this day, only the package is taller.

Rae: Thanks, Mom. I think our relationship has grown into an adult friendship, which I have come to cherish and depend on. My mom is such a neat woman: an accomplished painter, a writer of lovely old-fashioned letters, a believer in alternative medicine and health long before it was fashionable, a person of great faith, a true original.

As I get older, I have really come to appreciate that she finds joy in the everyday—she’s happy puttering around her house and garden. I also love that my mom had a renaissance later in life when she came into her voice, and she is unapologetic about speaking what she believes in, which makes her a great person to talk to.

Rae, how difficult was it to write about the struggles of being a daughter—and a mother—knowing that your mom would eventually read it? Did you find that the writing process became harder with this in mind?

Rae: My mom has always been my most ardent supporter, so I didn’t hesitate in exploring the mother-daughter dynamic between these characters. Luckily my mom is not like Iris or Violet as a mother, so I wasn’t too worried that she would see herself and possibly be hurt by the book. Besides, she survived me writing about an escort service in my first novel, so I figured she would be okay with this one!

Rae has mentioned in interviews that she tested the incredible pound cake recipe that Sam discovers in her mother’s things. Would you each mind sharing some of the traditions or secrets that have been passed down in your family?

Jane: We celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the Fourth of July with family (grandchildren, parents, grandparents) accompanied by the usual homemade, open-faced apple pie. We also make caramel apples in the fall using twigs from the garden for sticks.

Rae: Food traditions come to mind for me, too. One of my favorites is eating pie for breakfast. My mom makes incredible pies—apple and cherry are my two favorites—and there is nothing better than coming into the kitchen the next morning and seeing leftover pie (and beating my sisters to it). And my mom used to make rice pudding, the same that her mother made. Unfortunately my daughter is allergic to dairy and eggs so I’ll have to work on a revised recipe.

Each generation of women in Mothers and Daughters struggles with the burdens and joys of being both a mother and a daughter. What do each of you think is the most rewarding part of being a mother? A daughter? The most difficult?

Jane: The most rewarding part of being a mother for me is the unending joy of loving unconditionally and nurturing an offspring, and the most rewarding part of being a daughter is to be the recipient of unending unconditional love and nurturing. I suppose I’d have to say the most difficult part is when complete independence arrives and children leave home. It’s gratifying to watch children grow into healthy, productive adults, but at the same time, acceptance of their independence, along with the realization that you are no longer the center of their world, carries with it a wistful sadness for what used to be and will never quite be again.

Rae: I would agree with my mom about the rewards of being a mother and a daughter. The most difficult thing for me, because of the depth of love I feel for my mom and my daughters, is the fear of possible loss. Also to see struggle in your mother or your daughter is very hard when you are powerless to do anything about it. I explored this some in the relationship between Sam and Iris.

As a mother, there is always that fear of having your children repeat your mistakes. What things did you try to avoid passing on to your children? What advice or wisdom have you tried to instill?

Jane: I don’t remember imparting any earthshaking advice. I suppose I thought to teach by example, as my own mother had. It was, of course, a given that there would be no drinking, smoking, or drugs.

Rae: Can I just say when my mom first read this question she said, “But I didn’t make any mistakes.” She was joking of course, but in a way, she’s right. I had the luxury of having a stay-at-home mom who loved being a mom and exuded contentment, and was unendingly supportive. My sisters and I were incredibly lucky. Though her advice on clean living I’m afraid I didn’t quite follow in my younger years. (Sorry, Mom!)

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We share an agent, the marvelous Elisabeth Weed. Can you tell me how she came to represent you and what your route to publication was like?

She is amazing, isn’t she? I was introduced to her via Allison Winn Scotch, a fellow magazine writer who I bumped into while working on a project for Self magazine. I pitched Elisabeth my novel idea (I think I had half written at the time), and she read it and said … No. Then, two weeks later, she emailed saying something like “OMG, I can’t get your characters out of my head! You haven’t signed with another agent yet, have you?” At that point, I was talking to another agent, but had a gut feeling about Elisabeth, so the rest is history! I worked with her for about 9 months or so to strengthen the book before she sent it out on submission. It sold in a week at auction!

You sold your second novel before your first was even out! Were you working on both books simultaneously? And how, given that you have three kids, one a new baby?

Basically, the idea for my second novel, The Bungalow, hit me so intensely that I couldn’t not write it. The timing wasn’t ideal. I had two little boys, a full plate of magazine work, my debut novel to promote—oh, and I was pregnant! But I really fell in love with the story and the characters and pitched it to Elisabeth, who gave me her blessing, and then we shared pages with my editor at Penguin, who loved it. I finished writing it in the second trimester of my pregnancy and we sold it shortly after the holidays (right after I had the baby!).

I’ve had to train myself to be productive in bits and pieces, or else I’d get nothing done. So, I write a little in the mornings when the kids watch Sesame Street and in the evenings when they’re asleep. The schedule works for me, but you should know, I have no life right now. I don’t even really watch TV (except for “The Real Housewives of New York City” and “Bethenny Ever After”—guilty pleasures!). Basically it’s mommy, mommy, mommy; write, write, write over here.

How do you think motherhood affected what you write about and how you write?

Good question! It definitely affects how I write (gone are the days of long, leisurely 8-hour writing fests!), but I think that’s a good thing. I’ve had to really discipline myself or else nothing gets done. And, my third novel—currently in progress—is a completely pulled from my own experiences as a mother—the tender moments and my deepest fears. This book is halfway done and it has absolutely grabbed my heart. I can’t wait to tell you more about it.

What has been the most surprising thing about publishing your first novel?

Oh there were so many surprises! Like that you could sell rights to different countries, for example. The Violets of March is coming out in Germany and Spain, and The Bungalow, will be out in Germany too. It’s so fun to think about my books read around the world. I’m still not used to the thought!

Any tips for me on how to get a baby to sleep more than two hours at a time?

Ha! Since Colby, at 3 months, likes to wake up all night long, I’m afraid I can only commiserate with you, Rae. In the meantime, strong coffee, my dear. I keep Nespresso in business with this habit of mine!

Sarah Jio is a veteran magazine writer and the health and fitness blogger for Glamour magazine. She is also a women’s health contributor to Womansday.com, the web site of Woman’s Day magazine. Her first novel, The Violets of March was published in May 2011. Her second novel, The Bungalow, will be released in 2013. Sarah lives in Seattle with her husband and three sons.

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I loved the prom. I wore a hot pink dress with shoes dyed to match, and I got my hair done really big. I’d had a crush on my date for years, and when he arrived in his tux with a hot pink cummerbund and tie, I felt like he was Jake Ryan to my Samantha. We had dinner with friends on a sailboat—we lived in suburban San Diego—which then delivered us to the hotel in La Jolla, whose ballroom was decked out in pink and silver, with confetti, carnival masks, and take-home champagne glasses etched to mark the occasion on the tables where we rested between dances. Our theme song was “(I’ve had) The Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing, as if there were going to be any other song that year. We all sang along—without irony. I was going to Stanford in the fall. I was buoyant.

I don’t exactly feel buoyant these days. Not that I’m complaining. But I am amazed at how long ago seventeen feels. A few years ago I was in L.A. doing a reading for my first novel, and my prom date came with his wife and three daughters—a highlight of the book tour. He looked pretty much the same, and talking to him, hearing him laugh, made me wistful for the me that had examined every interaction we’d had in high school, looking for signs that he liked me back.

My husband’s prom responsibilities end tonight at midnight. I’ll be waiting up for him to get all the details.

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On Thursday I read at NYU at the Lillian Vernon Creative Writers House, a beautiful townhouse on West 10^th. Following the reading I had a Q & A with Darin Strauss, my brother-in-law and a recent recipient of the National Book Critics Circle Award for his memoir Half a Life. I was bowled over by all the people who showed up, friends from all areas of my life and others I didn’t know. Even though I know better from my friends who teach, I still harbor romantic notions about college creative writing departments, and the reading did nothing to disabuse me of such notions. I stayed out until midnight, a record for me in this stage of life.

I’ve read at BookCourt in Brooklyn for each of my two other novels, so this third appearance on Friday felt like a homecoming. I had the pleasure of reading with my dear friend Emma Straub, author of Other People We Married, and we had the warmest crowd imaginable. My husband took our three-year-old home at the beginning, and then my agent, Elisabeth Weed, took care of the baby during my reading. Talk about full service! Walking home with the baby and my mother-in-law at the end of the night reminded me of how much I miss walking everywhere in New York. Not to mention how much I miss all the people I love who live there.

So thank you to Darin, NYU, Emma, BookCourt, Elisabeth, the team at Henry Holt, my husband, my parents-in-law, my friends, and my family for making it such a wonderful trip. Mothers and Daughters hits up Chicago next!

See what I’m reading at my guest post on Writers Read

My full Page 69 Test on Mothers and Daughters is up at The Page 69 Test

And a review I’m proud of from NPR/Kansas can be heard at http://www.kmuw.org/index.php/book/all/

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